iPhone rejoicing

A reading from the 27th chapter of the Book of Jobs:

1. And the waters parted and the heavens opened and a heavenly chorus sang Hallelujah.

2. King Jobs looked out upon the Verizon, whose people had found favor in his sight.

3. And there was great rejoicing among the people, for their longstanding prayers had finally been answered.

4. However, in the village of Saint Anthony, there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth, as the Cingularians realized that their supremacy across the land had at last come to an end.

5. All this came to pass in the 15th year of the second reign of King Jobs.